Sexy Mama Take #3 - Quickies versus Special nights: scheduling sex

 First of all, I never thought I would have to schedule sex.  I thought it would come back right away after our son was born.  I had heard tell of couples who didn't have sex for (gasp!) 4 months after the baby was born and I was sure we would never be one of them.  My partner Ken and I would be back to sex after a few weeks, tops.

It took us seven months.

Well, we had one afternoon of touching and orgasms at about five months, which reassured us that my equipment still worked.  But I was too scared to have intercourse.  Until finally I couldn't believe that it had been seven months and I just said to him one day after the three of us came home from afternoon stroll and Felix was still asleep in his stroller, "How about we take the chance he stays asleep and actually have sex?"

And now, we schedule sometimes and enjoy quickies.  We had a quickie this morning, our son was up late so I knew he'd sleep in a  little this morning.  I woke up and woke Ken up slowly.  Afterwards, we heard noise coming from his room, and realized our door was open.  I panicked and thought he'd woken up and seen us and then gone back to his room to play.  A few held breaths later, we realized it was just him turning in his sleep.  

We have occasionally hired a babysitter for special night out, and more than once planned special nights in, after the little one has gone to sleep.

We even dropped our son off for an overnight at friends (who were not exactly dying to have an almost two-year-old stay over-- they were newly engaged and I'm afraid we terrified them) and we got a last minute deal on a four star hotel room and had awesome hotel sex over and over and over until check out.  

And now, since I'm pregnant, I'm starting to plan for some sex adventures, knowing that come November, I'll be in time out for a little awhile.

Bubble bath and Edgy Moms

As part of this sexy mamas blog, Babeland sent me some products (and I have some to give away!) including  Evening Rapture Bubble Bath.  Now I know they meant this as a way to get me in the mood with my partner, but I confess...I ran out of Johnson and Johnson's so I used the Babeland product for Felix.  I got in too, to make me feel less guilty about sharing something that was supposed to be just for grown ups.

He proclaimed it "excellent...lots of bubbles....we can make bubble sculptures mommy!"  And so we did.  We both smelled nice afterwards and our skin was not dried out.

I did the Edgy Moms reading at the Montauk Club in Brooklyn tonight.  The packed audience went from raucous laughter to teary silence; Amy Sohn and Louise Crawford organized a super event.  I read an awfully randy scene from BabyLove, Amy read a funny essay about a 2's programs application and competitive motherhood; and Louise told a story about watching her son perform at Bowery Poetry Club.  Also on the bill was Amy Benfer, who I loved.  She read a very moving account of her teen aged pregnancy, and her 18 year old daughter was there too.  Also: Michele Madigan Somerville, who has ensured that I will never look at Elmo the same way again; Lenore Skenazy, who controversially let her 9 year old son take the subway by himself (I'm planning on letting Felix start when he's 7); Sophia Romero the Shiksa from Manila; and Louise Sloan, who hilariously told a tale from her book Knock Yourself Up.  It was a wonderful evening and I was thrilled to be a part of it.  Claire Cavanagh was in attendance as well, getting ready to open a new Babeland store in Park Slope.  Hmmm...perhaps call it the Horny Mom store?

  

Sexy Mama Take #2- Babeland Giveaways!

My four and  half year old son has had a lot of questions about erections lately, and sometimes I get a  little flustered.  He hopped into our bed this morning with this:

"Mommy I noticed something unusual - this part of my body got hard twice in the night."

What was he doing awake twice in the night?

"That's normal honey.  It's called an erection and it happens to all boys.  Sometimes it happens at night and sometimes it happens during the day..."  I notice he's got one.  "And sometimes, it happens in the morning."

My son's voice drops to a worried whisper.  "Can you make it- go away?"  

"It usually doesn't last for too long, honey.  It happens to daddy in the morning too and it usually goes away after he makes pee pee."  I woke up my husband and asked him to take over.  After all, I don't have one.

Tell me a story about how you talk to your kids about sex and I'll have Babeland send you a surprise gift!

Sex night planner

Babeland just sent me an email about Sexual Spontaneity that included this image from a magnetic game it sells.  Honestly, I don't want this on my fridge because my son could read it, but wow would I LOVE this as an online game!  Or a private Facebook application that I would actually use.  Somebody please make this sex planner into a calendar site that works.

Christen Clifford

BabyLove

Sexy Mama Take #1- Sex Positive Families

                                           

I'm so excited that Babeland invited me to be part of their Sexy Mama Blogs for the month of May!  I think it's so important to talk about sex and motherhood. We are such a sexually open society yet there are so many things that still have that Puritan influence and remain taboo. The deep, big changes that happen to a woman's sexuality when she becomes a mother are rarely discussed and I'm happy to be a part of this conversation.

For the past few years, I've been touring my show BabyLove, which chronicles my experiences with sex and new motherhood and maternal sexuality is one of my favorite topics. BabyLove is now running Off Broadway at 45 Bleecker with giveaways from Babeland. Today at the Wednesday "Mommy Matinee" I had this beautiful pregnant women sitting smack in the center and she was just this wonderful beacon of energy and I loved telling my stories to her, and I also loved giving her a Babeland Bullet with the advice to take some "Mommy Time" after her baby was born.

In the show I talk about wanting to raise my son Felix, now 4 and 1/2, in a sex positive household.

But it took me a long time to figure out how to be sexual again after becoming a mother, so when I first thought that I wanted to raise my son in a sex-positive household I only knew what that meant in the abstract, I literally didn't understand the specifics. And then I progressed to- "Well, that would mean a household where sex is actually being had..."

And now that my son is almost 5, and I'm pregnant again, raising him in a sex positive household means:

• not shying away from explanations of how babies are made ( This is a great book)
  
• expressing my affection for my partner in front of my child
• trying (!) to kiss my partner before my child when I walk in the door
• talking about all the different kinds of families we know ("X has two daddies and Y has two mommies and Z has two mommies and a dad")
• answering all questions honestly and with facts
• expressing my need for privacy
• teaching him about privacy (" Does it feel good when you touch your penis?  Great!  It's supposed to.  I know it feels good, but it's best to do that in your room where you can have some privacy.")

Today my son came to the theatre with me and while he was going through my prop box he found the bag of giveaways from Babeland.  

"What are these?" he asked.

"Toys for grown ups," I answered.

He put them down and ran through the shiny mylar curtain, happy with that explanation.

-Let me know what you think, and how you try to have a sex positive family...