Time Out New York Kids S-E-X roundtable

Not sure why I didn't post this earlier- oh yeah, Time Out New York Kids didn't post it right away, and then I was cleaning a crib with poop all over it and play wrestling and building Lego for about a month and I just forgot about it. Til now.

The Parents Roundtable about S-E-X!!!

Time Out New York Kids' historic roundtable discussion is amazing- not just cuz I'm in it- but because they don't have national advertisers and they can take chances the big glossies can't. It was such a pleasure to do this.

HomeBirth Cartoon on SMITHmag

My homebirth cartoon is up on SMITHmag. The wonderful David Heatley is the cartoonist, and his wonderful wife Rebecca Gopoian was amazing at helping me edit the text down. They are calling it a Graphic Graphic Memoir. I like that.

This is the backstory of BEFORE the cartoon starts...

In late September 2008 I was 34 weeks pregnant with my second child, in a cab on my way home from a “non stress test” at the hospital. I called one of my two midwives. I was fine, the baby was fine, but Martine was concerned because I was having contractions. Much to the chagrin of some of my friends and family, we were planning a home birth.

My five year old son Felix was born almost six weeks prematurely in St.Vincent’s in 2003. I had been planning to deliver in a freestanding birth center, I was too nervous to have a home birth the first time around, but he came early and I had the Pitocin and the hospital and it was diabolically painful and traumatic, but my son was fine, and I was fine.

In the cab, Martine laid it out for me: modified bedrest for at least 3 weeks. “I really want you to take it easy. You can get out of bed, but just for a walk to the corner. No subway, no swimming, and no sex.”

“I can masturbate though, right?”

“We don’t recommend putting anything into your vagina.” How did she know what I had planned?

“I can still have an orgasm though, right?”

“No, Christen.” Martine could hear the silence on my end. She sighed, “I’m sorry, but I wouldn’t do it. Orgasm releases oxytocin and can induce labor. We want to keep this baby inside for just a few more weeks, okay?”

I knew what orgasm and oxytocin could do to a pregnant woman. I was one of those horny pregnant women.

“You want me to lie in bed for weeks on end and not masturbate?!?! What the hell else am I supposed to do?”

“Read a book Christen,” Martine deadpanned.

And I did know what orgasm could do. I’d read the Ina May Gaskin books about pleasurable natural birth. I’d dreamed of staving off the pain of contractions with my Hitachi. I had planned a hippy happy sexy home birth and I wanted to orgasm all the way through.

She continued, as my belly rode the potholes, “You’ve had a previous premature birth. If we can keep this baby in until 37 weeks, then we can have the birth at home. Even at 36 and ½ weeks. But any earlier than that and you are going to be in the hospital again. You don’t want that, do you?”

No, I didn’t want to be in the hospital again. We were prepared for our home birth. The living room was full of birthing supplies—a birth pool, birth ball, shower curtains, old blankets, stained sheets, rubber gloves, flashlights, thermometers, extra towels, waterproof pads, iodine, Vitamin K drops, a container for the placenta, a scooper for birth and fecal matter, labor tea, baby clothes, diapers. We had the best midwives ever, Martine and Karen from JJB Midwifery.

I wasn’t going to masturbate and fuck this up. I stayed completely celibate for over three weeks. (It was during the lead up to the US presidential election so I watched Jon Stewart on my laptop and obsessively googled this new Sarah Palin person, whom I despised and was sure wasn’t the mother of her new baby.)

And then on October 14, 2008 I was exactly 37 weeks pregnant. Full term. Finally.

That day, my midwives Martine and Karen said I could start being a little more active. “Don’t over do it though,” Karen cautioned, “we still want that baby to be fully cooked.”

So I didn’t overdo it. I got out my Hitachi and I masturbated, once. Okay twice.

Then I took a cab to the pool and swam really gently for 15 minutes and then I took a cab home and met Felix and his babysitter at our local café Espresso 77 and then we went home and there I was, at 5:30 pm, sitting on the couch with Felix, all of the sudden thinking, “Am I wetting my pants?” Why do I always think I’m pissing myself when I’m about to have a baby?

And then magically, it comes to life as an illustrated cartoon!

Martine said to me later, after the birth, when I was all raw and bleeding, "Oh, I hope you guys had sex." And I was like, "Ummm, no! You told me not to!"

Keep looking at the Sexy Moms 2009 blogs!

Moms get %10 Off Sex Toys!- Babeland sexy moms 2009

Use the code above and get %10 off sex toys at Babeland!

I've been asking some of my friends how they keep their sex lives going and I especially liked these two answers.

1.) Friends: I guess this isn't news to anyone who read that New York Times article about how friends keep us healthy, but some of my mommies say that other moms are their livesavers. "I wouldn't still be married if it weren't for my friends," said my friend E. "They get it: the anger at him for feeding the baby a bottle right before I came home to breastfeed, the boredom of the repetitive nature of mothering, the cyberstalking of ex boyfriends who adored me."

I definitely understand this logic: my sex life improves if I feel better about myself, I feel better about myself if I spend time with my friends, therefore my friends improve my sex life. And I have done the ex boyfriend thing too, which I think is pretty harmless. After Vera was born, I spent an entire nap time watching videos on an ex online. I think I just wanted to be in a world away from children and responsibilities, and anything having to do with them.

2.) Sex on the go: One of my mommies isn't feeling it so much herself, "My libido is nowhere to be found!" While she laments this, she doesn't let it stop her from having an intimate life with her partner. They have a regular date night which always includes sex, since they don't wait 'til they get home. "We have sex in restaurant bathrooms all the time. Quick blow jobs. The bathrooms in the Modern, the restaurant at The Museum of Modern Art, are great. We get dressed up, order drinks (it's expensive!) I leave to use the loo, text him that I'm in the sixth stall on the left and he joins me there."

I definitely need to give that one a try.

Sexy Mama Take #3 - Quickies versus Special nights: scheduling sex

 First of all, I never thought I would have to schedule sex.  I thought it would come back right away after our son was born.  I had heard tell of couples who didn't have sex for (gasp!) 4 months after the baby was born and I was sure we would never be one of them.  My partner Ken and I would be back to sex after a few weeks, tops.

It took us seven months.

Well, we had one afternoon of touching and orgasms at about five months, which reassured us that my equipment still worked.  But I was too scared to have intercourse.  Until finally I couldn't believe that it had been seven months and I just said to him one day after the three of us came home from afternoon stroll and Felix was still asleep in his stroller, "How about we take the chance he stays asleep and actually have sex?"

And now, we schedule sometimes and enjoy quickies.  We had a quickie this morning, our son was up late so I knew he'd sleep in a  little this morning.  I woke up and woke Ken up slowly.  Afterwards, we heard noise coming from his room, and realized our door was open.  I panicked and thought he'd woken up and seen us and then gone back to his room to play.  A few held breaths later, we realized it was just him turning in his sleep.  

We have occasionally hired a babysitter for special night out, and more than once planned special nights in, after the little one has gone to sleep.

We even dropped our son off for an overnight at friends (who were not exactly dying to have an almost two-year-old stay over-- they were newly engaged and I'm afraid we terrified them) and we got a last minute deal on a four star hotel room and had awesome hotel sex over and over and over until check out.  

And now, since I'm pregnant, I'm starting to plan for some sex adventures, knowing that come November, I'll be in time out for a little awhile.

Bubble bath and Edgy Moms

As part of this sexy mamas blog, Babeland sent me some products (and I have some to give away!) including  Evening Rapture Bubble Bath.  Now I know they meant this as a way to get me in the mood with my partner, but I confess...I ran out of Johnson and Johnson's so I used the Babeland product for Felix.  I got in too, to make me feel less guilty about sharing something that was supposed to be just for grown ups.

He proclaimed it "excellent...lots of bubbles....we can make bubble sculptures mommy!"  And so we did.  We both smelled nice afterwards and our skin was not dried out.

I did the Edgy Moms reading at the Montauk Club in Brooklyn tonight.  The packed audience went from raucous laughter to teary silence; Amy Sohn and Louise Crawford organized a super event.  I read an awfully randy scene from BabyLove, Amy read a funny essay about a 2's programs application and competitive motherhood; and Louise told a story about watching her son perform at Bowery Poetry Club.  Also on the bill was Amy Benfer, who I loved.  She read a very moving account of her teen aged pregnancy, and her 18 year old daughter was there too.  Also: Michele Madigan Somerville, who has ensured that I will never look at Elmo the same way again; Lenore Skenazy, who controversially let her 9 year old son take the subway by himself (I'm planning on letting Felix start when he's 7); Sophia Romero the Shiksa from Manila; and Louise Sloan, who hilariously told a tale from her book Knock Yourself Up.  It was a wonderful evening and I was thrilled to be a part of it.  Claire Cavanagh was in attendance as well, getting ready to open a new Babeland store in Park Slope.  Hmmm...perhaps call it the Horny Mom store?

  

Sexy Mama Take #2- Babeland Giveaways!

My four and  half year old son has had a lot of questions about erections lately, and sometimes I get a  little flustered.  He hopped into our bed this morning with this:

"Mommy I noticed something unusual - this part of my body got hard twice in the night."

What was he doing awake twice in the night?

"That's normal honey.  It's called an erection and it happens to all boys.  Sometimes it happens at night and sometimes it happens during the day..."  I notice he's got one.  "And sometimes, it happens in the morning."

My son's voice drops to a worried whisper.  "Can you make it- go away?"  

"It usually doesn't last for too long, honey.  It happens to daddy in the morning too and it usually goes away after he makes pee pee."  I woke up my husband and asked him to take over.  After all, I don't have one.

Tell me a story about how you talk to your kids about sex and I'll have Babeland send you a surprise gift!