Moms get %10 Off Sex Toys!- Babeland sexy moms 2009

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I've been asking some of my friends how they keep their sex lives going and I especially liked these two answers.

1.) Friends: I guess this isn't news to anyone who read that New York Times article about how friends keep us healthy, but some of my mommies say that other moms are their livesavers. "I wouldn't still be married if it weren't for my friends," said my friend E. "They get it: the anger at him for feeding the baby a bottle right before I came home to breastfeed, the boredom of the repetitive nature of mothering, the cyberstalking of ex boyfriends who adored me."

I definitely understand this logic: my sex life improves if I feel better about myself, I feel better about myself if I spend time with my friends, therefore my friends improve my sex life. And I have done the ex boyfriend thing too, which I think is pretty harmless. After Vera was born, I spent an entire nap time watching videos on an ex online. I think I just wanted to be in a world away from children and responsibilities, and anything having to do with them.

2.) Sex on the go: One of my mommies isn't feeling it so much herself, "My libido is nowhere to be found!" While she laments this, she doesn't let it stop her from having an intimate life with her partner. They have a regular date night which always includes sex, since they don't wait 'til they get home. "We have sex in restaurant bathrooms all the time. Quick blow jobs. The bathrooms in the Modern, the restaurant at The Museum of Modern Art, are great. We get dressed up, order drinks (it's expensive!) I leave to use the loo, text him that I'm in the sixth stall on the left and he joins me there."

I definitely need to give that one a try.

Sexy Mama Take #4 - sexy mom self image

After I gave birth, I felt disfigured and damaged.  I was.  I had stitches and was injured there.   I shook.  Immediately I decided - this isn't happening.  No one must know.  I started doing Kegels obsessively. 

 I worked hard at trying to keep my sexual self image after my son was born....but it felt like a lie.  I was wearing black lace bras and ripped down the front wife beaters to show off my milk bar, but I was terrified of intercourse.  I did heal and we did eventually resume our sexual life, however my self image had changed.   I was trying to subvert the image of the sexless mother, but only on the surface.  It took me a few years to come to terms with myself- my changed body, my relationship with my husband and son, with myself.

I'm of two minds about the Angelina Jolie/yummy mummy phenom: on one hand, I want to be one, of course I do.  But on the other, I feel like I can never live up to that.  It just creates another thing for women to feel bad about themselves...it doesn't provide us with a real view of sexuality and motherhood.  The horniness of pregnancy, yes, but celebrities don't show us passing blood clots for weeks afterwards, stretch marks, nipples a mile long from breastfeeding, or the lovely but strange eroticism of loving a new human being that just came out of your body.

I'm pregnant now, and totally into my body: my breasts are full, I'm wearing tight clothes to show off the belly and boobs...and I'm aware this will be last time I'll feel like this.  Full, all that extra blood, walking anticipation.  

Sex night planner

Babeland just sent me an email about Sexual Spontaneity that included this image from a magnetic game it sells.  Honestly, I don't want this on my fridge because my son could read it, but wow would I LOVE this as an online game!  Or a private Facebook application that I would actually use.  Somebody please make this sex planner into a calendar site that works.

Christen Clifford

BabyLove

Sexy Mama Take #1- Sex Positive Families

                                           

I'm so excited that Babeland invited me to be part of their Sexy Mama Blogs for the month of May!  I think it's so important to talk about sex and motherhood. We are such a sexually open society yet there are so many things that still have that Puritan influence and remain taboo. The deep, big changes that happen to a woman's sexuality when she becomes a mother are rarely discussed and I'm happy to be a part of this conversation.

For the past few years, I've been touring my show BabyLove, which chronicles my experiences with sex and new motherhood and maternal sexuality is one of my favorite topics. BabyLove is now running Off Broadway at 45 Bleecker with giveaways from Babeland. Today at the Wednesday "Mommy Matinee" I had this beautiful pregnant women sitting smack in the center and she was just this wonderful beacon of energy and I loved telling my stories to her, and I also loved giving her a Babeland Bullet with the advice to take some "Mommy Time" after her baby was born.

In the show I talk about wanting to raise my son Felix, now 4 and 1/2, in a sex positive household.

But it took me a long time to figure out how to be sexual again after becoming a mother, so when I first thought that I wanted to raise my son in a sex-positive household I only knew what that meant in the abstract, I literally didn't understand the specifics. And then I progressed to- "Well, that would mean a household where sex is actually being had..."

And now that my son is almost 5, and I'm pregnant again, raising him in a sex positive household means:

• not shying away from explanations of how babies are made ( This is a great book)
  
• expressing my affection for my partner in front of my child
• trying (!) to kiss my partner before my child when I walk in the door
• talking about all the different kinds of families we know ("X has two daddies and Y has two mommies and Z has two mommies and a dad")
• answering all questions honestly and with facts
• expressing my need for privacy
• teaching him about privacy (" Does it feel good when you touch your penis?  Great!  It's supposed to.  I know it feels good, but it's best to do that in your room where you can have some privacy.")

Today my son came to the theatre with me and while he was going through my prop box he found the bag of giveaways from Babeland.  

"What are these?" he asked.

"Toys for grown ups," I answered.

He put them down and ran through the shiny mylar curtain, happy with that explanation.

-Let me know what you think, and how you try to have a sex positive family...